Just Another eBay Monday
Wake up with Treasure (5 months) 4 am feeding, we are up for the day. Check eBay sales with one hand, hold child with the other, bottle under chin. Finish bottle, over shoulder burping typing reply with one finger between pats. Keeper (age 3) gets up, goes immodestly to potty – potty training began Sunday – why do I start these things in the Christmas selling season! Pour milk with one hand, putting on bib with the other, hitting the F5 button with left big toe to refresh the MyeBay page. Wow sold a gift pack! Baby on hip, buttering toast, moving mouse with tongue to find drop shipper website. Put on big girl panties, have a bite of toast, coffee running over the top of the pot, do I have time to shave the pits? Baby in buzz buzz seat in the bathroom, door open wide, Keeper running in half naked “I peed on the floor” half a pit to go and hair still covered in shampoo. Towel around me, cleaning pee off floor, wresting child into shower with me to get the pee pee cleaned off, phone rings, drop shipper needs complete address, where is the plug (pacifier)? Prop a bottle, pop a Adderall just to maintain momentum, “I want a potty juice box”. Put potty seat in front of Dora table, out comes the water paints, Treasure now in baby saucer, time to make lunch. Mac and cheese boiling over, list an item, need to edit – forgot postage. “You can’t eat your macaroni with your paint brush!” Pee peed on the potty, must call and tell: daddy, aunty Tina, aunty Julia, aunty Abby, gramma, nana, granddad, Mema, Uncle Tom, best friend and possibly Santa Clause to get Easter Bunnies number. Put in Monsters Inc, baby nappy time – she will only nap in car seat on my bed. (We didn’t start the fire. It’s been burning since the worlds been turning.) Back to eBay, half naked 3 year old under my arm – “I want a cookie, what ya doing, I want to play on the puter!” Drag her back to potty, baby screaming, when was the last time I changed her? Tantrum, “3 minutes in the notty seat”, dig through junk drawer for Advil, bring out Vodka as visual aid – reward reminder for making it through the day. Spit up everywhere, changing baby, “I poo poo in the kitchen”. Load of laundry, load of dishes, message from buyer load of crap! “I want peanut butter”, don’t hit your sister with the ball! Change the movie, wash out underwear, when was the last time I washed my hands? Where’s the baby’s other sock! Baby in swing, child on potty, husband calls “Ma is coming over for dinner.” Pull out chicken, search for the pasta, call him back “pick up sauce on your way home.” Do I have time to copy eBay listing to iOffer and Google Base? Here goes. Clean the floor, stain guard the couch, what a surprise Google Base rejected listing – what’s new, type them quick nasty gram. Uploading images, answering eBay questions, forwarding emails, programming websites, posting on forum – Doorbell rings “I want to tell you about Jesus Christ”. Sure come on in, I have a naked child in the middle of the living room sitting on the potty, a baby attached to my right breast, half an eBay listing on the PC, water boiling, I certainly have a brain cell left for you! Sister calls “I need 700 gift bags, can you dig up a wholesaler for the school? Oh I saw your forum post, you misspelled poo” Husband comes through the door, sauce in hand, his mother close behind – forgot to clean the toilet, no make up, hair standing on end, what’s the point – we all sit down for dinner. Mother in laws first comment, “you’d get more done if you could just get these children on a schedule”, dump mother in law off at nursing home on the “To Do List”, secretly planning her funeral. Clean up kitchen, bathe the kids, frisk husband, type out day. And those are just the highlights folks.