At this time I would like to reiterate that my husband is a wonderful man and fabulous father, this is just a list of things I don’t understand. I’m sure its not only MY husband who does these things, but there really needs to be a manual so women know these things are coming and know how to handle them before they become an issue.
Things I’ll never understand #55: why my husband can’t recognize “famous last words.”
It’s the classic tale of a 2 ½ year old going to visit grandma for the afternoon.
“Mama, I want bring Kitty! I love Kitty. Kitty come go?”
Mommy’s reply “Oh no honey, Kitty needs to stay here (continues under my breath) because if you leave kitty at Nana’s house no one within the tri-state area will sleep to night”
Enters Daddy “Oh let her bring it. I’ll be there, what do you think is going to happen to it?”
Mommy: “I don’t think anything is going to happen to it, but if you leave it there she’s not going to sleep tonight.”
Daddy “Don’t worry about it, I’m not going to forget it – gees Ma lives just across town.”
Now you see it, don’t you? You don’t need a list of Famous Last Words to be able to pick up on what’s going to happen next!
Four hours later Daddy and 2 ½ year old return and – NO KITTY!
“Where’s kitty? It’s almost bed time.”
Daddy “Oh we forgot it there. No big deal I’ll get it tomorrow on my way home.”
WHAT!!! No big deal! There hasn’t been a night that you could get that stupid cat doll away from her and you say NO BIG DEAL! This is a VERY BIG DEAL! But of course I don’t say that, I look at him and say “I’m going to your mothers now I’ll be back in an hour.”
“No, no,” my husband insists, “she’ll be fine I’ll sing her an extra song she’ll go right out.”
I’d like to pause for a moment to mention that my husband has used the term “She’ll go right out” a mere one hundred and eleven times and he has yet to be right.
Around this time Riley comes out of her room “Oh no, Daddy where’s Kitty? I want Kitty.”
I glare at my husband.
Daddy gets down on one knee “Oh pumpkin we forgot Kitty at Nana’s house, but we can call and say nighty night to Kitty and Nana will take good care of Kitty.”
I think for one small moment he actually thought that was going to work. Of course he quickly realized …. NO! That wasn’t going to fly. The crying and hysteria start followed by laying on the floor and kicking.
“I’m calling your mother now!” I say as I pick up the phone.
“No! No!” he yells over the screeching “Don’t worry about it. I’ll get her into bed and she’ll forget all about – I’ll take care of it.” (you see it there again, don’t you?)
She goes into the I’m going to scream, you’re going to pick me up and I’m going to go limp and then thrash, portion of the tantrum.
I can take no more “That’s just great, but I’m the one who has to get up with her at night” and before he can volunteer for that duty I remind him “And are you planning to stop by at nap time too?” I also took a second to remind my husband that I was 7 months pregnant and hormonal as hell!
Before he could even take a breath, Riley was hysterical. “I never see Kitty again! I love Kitty! I want Kitty!” ……….and it got worse from there.
“It’s ringing.” I tell him.
“I’m going to get Kitty.” My husband yells!