People often say, “Nothing can prepare you for becoming a mom.”
What they often don’t tell you is – “Nothing can prepare you for not becoming a mom again.”
Unfortunately, secondary infertility is still a largely untouched subject in our society.
Because our focus often tends to be on those who are struggling to conceive for the first time. After all, if you’ve already been blessed with one child (or more), you can’t really complain, can you?
It doesn’t matter what stage in your life you receive an infertility diagnosis—it can still leave you reeling. You may find yourself left with many fears, emotions, and questions while reviewing the differences between potential options like fresh or frozen donor eggs, adoption, and surrogacy.
Will another route to your dream family fulfill your hopes like you expect it to?
What can you expect to face along the way?
Below, we’ll look at using donor eggs as a possible solution to secondary infertility by exploring the questions you may have about this potential option.
Why Choose Egg Donation Over Adoption?
One of the most common causes of secondary infertility is diminished egg quality and/or quantity. Even though your first pregnancy may have happened without a hiccup, a woman’s fertility can change rapidly. Typically, if you have had a baby before, you can rule out uterine problems. More commonly the issue is the age and quality of a woman’s eggs. This is especially the case when you enter your late thirties or forties.
If you’re diagnosed with secondary infertility, it generally leaves you with the options of using donor eggs or adoption to continue building your family.
Using an egg donor is the only avenue that still enables you to enjoy another pregnancy. It’s the only route that gives you the chance to nurture your baby before he or she is born, and helps you build a wonderful mom-baby bond.
How Will I Feel Using Another Woman’s Eggs?
While using donor eggs gives you the opportunity to enjoy a pregnancy like any other, many women initially struggle with the idea of using another woman’s eggs.
Are you going to feel a connection with your baby? Will your other children bond with their sibling? How will you find a suitable donor that you feel happy with?
All these questions are completely normal and may take some time to answer and come to terms with. Yet, most women do find that their viewpoint on egg donation changes the longer they consider and process the idea.
If you’re using frozen donor eggs, you’ll be able to access a large database of donors featuring a significant amount of information regarding each one. From the color of their hair to the activities they like to take part in, you can narrow down your choice based on the unique traits and characteristics that appeal to you.
Will My Baby and I (and Their Sibling(s)) Form the Same Bonds?
Foregoing a genetic link to your baby is difficult and may make you feel as though you won’t bond similarly with your baby as you did with your previous child(ren).
But it’s important to understand that there’s more to a mom-baby bond – and sibling bonds – than genes.
Bonds are instead created through the love that’s shared between you all. They are created through precious family memories and moments that you all treasure forever. The foundation for these bonds begins the moment you receive your positive pregnancy test.
As you watch your baby grow inside you and feel their first kicks and movements, those initial fears about bonding with your child will vanish. The same, too, goes for your worries about his or her bond with your children. As they feel the first kicks of their brother or sister and eagerly anticipate their arrival, as they can take on elder sibling duties, they will be able to forge their own irreplaceable bond. Together, you’ll build upon those family connections; connections that are made even stronger by the adversity you faced to get there.