Since my daughter received her diagnoses of Autism I’ve read more blog posts about “What Not to Say to Parents of a Child With Special Needs” – all whining about people who are trying to be nice.
Apparently some of us aren’t getting nearly enough pity from those around us so we feel the need to concoct reasons to feel worse. Do you know how many people in this world would give anything to have a child? While some of us have the audacity to fabricate reasons to gain sympathy. It’s pathetic and it sickens me.
Stop Alienating Us!
Here is what supposedly offends us the most: “I don’t‘ know how you do it?”
REALLY? That is supposed to be offensive? I LOVE IT!
I once left my daughter with my best friend for about 20 minutes while I ran to the store. When I got back she was completely exasperated and blurted out something like “How Do You Do This Every Day?” She quickly composed herself, but honestly I was hoping she’d go on!
It was validating! I don’t know how I do it every day, I’m not always sure how I’m going to do it tomorrow, but I’m glad that someone sees that I AM DOING IT!
Another thing you’re supposedly not to say to us Special Needs Mama’s is: “God doesn’t give us anything we can’t handle”
Do I really look like I have it all together? Because many times I just want to go home and cry. The fact that someone thinks I have this all under control makes me feel like Super Woman!
Last year I took both my girls to the TaeKwonDo Christmas party and I was a wreck! Luckily my oldest is pretty self-sufficient, but my youngest can’t have Dairy, Gluten, Sodium Nitrate – and it was a POTLUCK! My 4 y/o doesn’t sit! She rarely slows down to turn a corner and she LOVES TO EAT! If she’s not eating she has to be entertained or she’ll find away to entertain herself – and that’s never good!
One of the moms (Sara) came over and sat beside me for the longest time, paused the conversation each time I had to change tactics with Keira, and she said something about how well I handle everything and my heart just leapt for joy!
I thought I was falling apart and here she sees me as someone who’s keeping it all together! How could I not Love that?
Let me tell you what really angers us Special Needs Moms:
The Same Shit That Pisses You Off!
Do you have “Normal” Kids?
Has one of your normal kids ever been sick for a week? You take that kid to the doctor and on the way home you have to drag that irritable, sleep deprived, whiny child into the pharmacy to pick up a prescription, which is all to much for both of you and your child LOSES IT and some snotty busy body says “You need to get a handle on your child.” And your first thought is to instruct your child to use that woman as a tissue? That’s what pisses us off too!
Here’s the short list of don’ts:
Don’t tell us how to Raise our Children?
Don’t tell us what our Child should wear?
Don’t say ‘You have to let her cry it out?’
Don’t say ‘Don’t you ever spank that child?’
Don’t say ‘Oh you bottle feed?’ with a negative tone.
Don’t say ‘Oh you breastfeed?’ with a negative tone.
Any of that sound familiar?
Are those things you like to hear?
No, of course not. And I bet you don’t say them to often to other moms unless you‘re an old woman who doesn‘t remember raising children much less ever raised a special one.
I know every case is different and some times it would be nice for people to mix it up a bit, but us REAL Special Needs Moms don’t get offended when it’s implied that we are doing something that someone else doesn’t think they are capable of doing.
In closing, if you are caught off guard and accidentally blurt out something like “But she looks so normal” and a mom gets overly offended – that mom is creating drama. Think about it – Don’t we ALL Want Normal kids?
And before you leave me a negative comment, you should know that my child doesn’t require sleep and it has taken a YEAR of therapy just to get her to ask for a cookie and that’s with prompting – so unless you can beat that – don’t even try to leave a negative comment.